Thanks for joining me!
“Isn’t it funny how day to day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different” – C.S.Lewis
What a difference a year makes, or 10 months in my case.
Though I am smiling in both photos, in the one on the left I was deeply unhappy, insecure and didn’t believe anything could change. I genuinely believed I would never like myself, let alone love myself. Yet in the photo on the right, I feel content, settled and, well, just happy.
I have struggled with my appearance for as long as I can remember. As a 7 year old in PE lessons at school, I recall looking at my own body shape compared to those of my friends, and hating the way I looked. I have always been on the chunky side and because it’s been that way my whole life, I thought this was the way I must always stay.
Throughout high school and university, my mental health suffered. I tried to control my eating and ended up being diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Though there was support in place at first, this soon disappeared and I was left to cope on my own. So I pushed my feelings and emotions away, and because I didn’t allow myself to confront them, I thought I had fixed everything. But I began comfort eating, blaming the stress of work or claiming that I needed the rubbish food as that would make everything better. But guess what? It didn’t. It never does. In fact it had the complete opposite effect.
Ten months ago, I felt I couldn’t go on this way anymore and something had to change. I just didn’t know how to do it. I signed up to the gym and hired a personal trainer. The first day I stepped into the gym, I was shaking. I wasn’t even going to train that day, just have a chat with my PT about where to start. But I was terrified, and all I wanted to do was turn around and run.
But now, I’m so glad I didn’t. I’m so glad that I persisted. So glad that I made it through that door to begin this journey. I fell in love with training at the gym and discovered how to eat the foods I love, but still lose fat.
I might not be where I want to be yet, but I have made amazing progress. It’s hard to put into words the impact that fitness has had on every aspect of my life, but it’s enough to keep me moving forwards.
Another Gym Girl 