Thanks for joining me!
“Isn’t it funny how day to day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different” – C.S.Lewis
What a difference a year makes, or 10 months in my case.
Though I am smiling in both photos, in the one on the left I was deeply unhappy, insecure and didn’t believe anything could change. I genuinely believed I would never like myself, let alone love myself. Yet in the photo on the right, I feel content, settled and, well, just happy.
I have struggled with my appearance for as long as I can remember. As a 7 year old in PE lessons at school, I recall looking at my own body shape compared to those of my friends, and hating the way I looked. I have always been on the chunky side and because it’s been that way my whole life, I thought this was the way I must always stay.
Throughout high school and university, my mental health suffered. I tried to control my eating and ended up being diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Though there was support in place at first, this soon disappeared and I was left to cope on my own. So I pushed my feelings and emotions away, and because I didn’t allow myself to confront them, I thought I had fixed everything. But I began comfort eating, blaming the stress of work or claiming that I needed the rubbish food as that would make everything better. But guess what? It didn’t. It never does. In fact it had the complete opposite effect.
Ten months ago, I felt I couldn’t go on this way anymore and something had to change. I just didn’t know how to do it. I signed up to the gym and hired a personal trainer. The first day I stepped into the gym, I was shaking. I wasn’t even going to train that day, just have a chat with my PT about where to start. But I was terrified, and all I wanted to do was turn around and run.
But now, I’m so glad I didn’t. I’m so glad that I persisted. So glad that I made it through that door to begin this journey. I fell in love with training at the gym and discovered how to eat the foods I love, but still lose fat.
I might not be where I want to be yet, but I have made amazing progress. It’s hard to put into words the impact that fitness has had on every aspect of my life, but it’s enough to keep me moving forwards.